Extroverted parents need lots of stimulating activities, plenty of social interaction and big gatherings; whilst their introverted children need exactly the opposite – it is a recipe for disaster unless you learn to compromise and plan to accommodate both personality types. ), I’d LOVE for you to check out my 7-day email challenge— Talked Out, Touched Out: Learn to Thrive as an Introverted Mom ️. As I much as I love the open-mouth kisses from my 10 month old and my 3.5 year old’s dramatic flair for story telling  - I am literally a human battery pack for them, at this stage of their lives. As I grew older, I continued to prefer standing at the edges of gatherings. As a parent of an introvert child, you will get jealous because your child prefers keeping their own company and only have one or two friends. Are strong listeners 3. How parenting advice assumes you’re white and middle class If parenting is a process of letting go, does a cuddle express the yearning to hold on? If you're an introvert and the parent of a small human, it can be very freeing to realize that maybe it's not just that you "don't like the baby stage." Introverted kids behave in the way they do because of their innate temperament, and the more you embrace their inborn nature, the happier your child will be. Much of our parenting advice from health professionals may be biased, leaning mostly towards white, middle-class families, according to a new study. Raidah Shah Idil is a mother of two, poet, writer, and dreamer. After especially bad nights, I totally understand when my husband needs to go downstairs for his breakfast ‘quiet time’. Why is it so bad to be an introvert? But it doesn’t mean you can’t do an amazing job. And then I had two. introverts today face one overarching challenge – not to feel like misfits in their own culture.” The way an introvert’s brain works best goes directly against “good” parenting and culture. Why being an introvert parent can be a very good thing. For example, the authors comment: “It can be exhausting to parent extraverted children. If you love your children just a tiny bit more when they’re asleep then you might be an introvert, too. See inner reflection as very important 12. Not all extroverted parents do these things to their introverted kids. I am certainly not my best self. Introverts have some fantastic skills, and sometimes the meaning of life really can be found while reading a book in an empty house. On good nights where both my children sleep well, I sleep well too, so I get to wake up an hour before they do. Being an introvert is a good thing. All of my days and nights revolve around meeting the daily needs of my two little girls, no matter how tired we all are. Well, one parent was introverted but hardly ever home so I was raised by an extroverted parent mainly and… Oh, it’s bloody damn well horrible, I’ll tell you that. Introvert Parents, Extrovert Kids – Help! Put your children in the stroller/carrier and go for a walk with headphones in. During the pandemic, many say that introverts should be thriving. A couple of weeks ago, she had a playdate with four friends that lasted longer than we had planned. Follow her on her twitter @raidahshahidil. Alas, this happens to be the exception to the rule. It’s not all gloom though. Instead, guilt may be the biggest struggle. Tips For Introverted Parents Raising Extroverted Kids. Mumnesia is real. Not long ago, my sister and I had a ... Like most parents, my husband and I don’t get nearly enough time just the two of us. I’ll keep listening and loving my child - and I’ll keep being grateful we live in a society that now understands that there are many ways to be yourself. When Frankie and Tina fell pregnant, the advice from health professionals here sometimes contradicted traditions from Malaysia, leaving them with a difficult decision – follow “western” advice and risk offending their families. There is never enough time for me. This is especially true with my more introverted kids. I am so relieved my husband is a fellow introvert. I was once asked what I wished I’d known before having children. Once, people like me made up only 25 per cent of the population. Little Sis will be doing tummy time, while shouting, until we all turn to look at her. Why you should expect parenting to be hell 1. “Have you only just realised that?” “Well, I’ve never really thought about it before.” A family of introverts? Then I said to her that I couldn’t have another child, not after this. The way an introvert’s brain works best goes directly against “good” parenting and culture. These things make for high quality parenting, which is just as important as the quantity of time you spend with your child. If you’re parenting an introverted child, it’s important to avoid assuming that she (or he) is unhappy with having just two or three friends. My mom was really extroverted. Babies are crap at both being quiet and alone time. What I know so far is that I have a lot more to learn, and that’s okay. Reading books together can be replenishing, as well as some craft activities (but not all craft activities, some are horrifying). On bad days, we melt down when my husband leaves for work. Big Sis takes a swipe at Little Sis and grabs her toys. I wish I could just run away to a cafe, not make eye contact with anyone, and lose myself in a novel. They exist! The dichotomy that I found myself in, as an introvert with a baby, was that you were meant to achieve “baby bliss.” The socially acceptable way to behave when you have a child is to spend lots of time with them, to play with them (and enjoy it), to have a messy, noisy house, and to miss your children terribly when they’re away. Right now, my introvert self is almost always starving for more time to rest, more solitude, and more serenity. How to deal with conflicting parenting advice when you live between two cultures Don’t get me wrong - my first and second babies were and still are deeply wanted. Right from the beginning I was as self-conscious and insecure and competitive about motherhood as I’d been about anything else in my life. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. BuzzFeed Staff 1. Whether the parent is introverted or extroverted, it suggests that extroverts are more troublesome to manage. When Frankie and Tina fell pregnant, the advice from health professionals here sometimes contradicted traditions from Malaysia, leaving them with a difficult decision – follow “western” advice and risk offending their families. When parenting becomes a labyrinth of social anxieties New mum Kimberley Gillan shares why hearing parenting horror stories and expecting the worst worked in her favour. For example, one parent takes a kid along to run errands, while the other parent stays home with the second kid. If the child has two introverted parents, they will most likely bring it up using any introvert approaches to things. Understanding your worth as an introverted parent can go a long way to assuaging guilt and finding meaning. Even if you never follow it, having a structure in mind when you start the day can be less overwhelming than trying to figure out what to do when small people are running around the house yelling and naked. There are a lot of articles out there for introverts. I can tell the difference within my own self when I haven’t had enough downtime. My two daughters laugh hysterically as Big Sis makes goofy faces and dances around Little Sis. What I’ve learnt about parenting a queer teen It might be added here that various sorts of parent-child personality combinations exist: not only an introverted child with an extroverted mother but the reverse as well. This gives me the solitary recharge to help me with the rest of my day. In my early postpartum daze, I asked my mother how in the world she went through this six times. Well, let’s just say we understand why you mourn the end of naptime so much (mama needs a few minutes of quiet, dammit). It’s not all gloom though. Are extraverts happier about their parenting experiences? My sister is an introvert too, and my brother is an ESTJ (it’s funny because my sister and I are INFPs). On bad nights where my kids keep waking up, it is impossible for me to wake up earlier than them. Even my baby, at 10 months, enjoys crawling up to others, smiling, babbling, and enjoys playing with both other babies and older children. Before our vibrant girls wake up, I know how much the two of us need solitude to start our days. As the day drags on, I feel my energy levels deplete. We laugh and clap, and she coughs again. Culture dictates that happiness is a goal for everyone, it’s deserved and should be strived for and if you’re not happy then what’s wrong? The happier snapshots of our day look like this: We all wave goodbye when my husband leaves for work. And yet, as my bleary-eyed husband and I look at each other through the haze of deprivation, we know that this exhausting stage will end. Preferably locked. “It can be a strain on introverted parents to not be getting any time to themselves – that can lead to conflict,” says Susan Cain, author of the best-seller Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. Acceptance is key. Is western parenting advice culturally biased? However, these issues, as difficult as they may be, often aren’t the most pressing for an introvert. I knew I was an introvert, but I didn’t know how much it would impact my parenting. Introvert parents may question their relevance and worth as a parent, and are at heightened risk of anxiety and depression. Seger-Guttmann and Medler-liraz (2015) state that “psychological adjustment depends on the degree of match between personality and the values of surrounding society.” Introverts can experience a mismatch between the ability to function as a person and the often intense reality of caring for a child; particularly in a society that insists good parents cheerfully ferry their children around and invest heavily in social interaction. To make things even more interesting, I keep giving birth to extroverts. And I don’t get enough of that solitary recharge. Here are a few other truths about parenting as an introvert. Often prefer not to share their emotions 6. Maybe it's just that being with people 24 hours a day -- even the wonderful little beings you created -- is difficult and draining. What I would give for some blissful, restorative solitude. Letting go: the moment your child stops giving you hugs And introvert parents? If it isn’t just biological but has environmental factors affecting the outcome, they will probably be in the way the child is brought up. Research did focus on introverts’ apparent unhappiness for a while, trying to figure out what this meant and how it could be helped. This is an unpopular position for a loving mother to find herself in. You love watching your kids play. Introvert parents may question their relevance and worth as a parent, and are at heightened risk of anxiety and depression. It’s important that a parent in such a situation first understands that two “states” can exist at the same time, but that they have different natures. You can find Raidah hunting for patches of green in the city, playing puppets with her young daughters, and writing when she really should be sleeping. Have high self-awareness 7. Again, don’t feel guilty for requesting or taking this time. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. If this struggle is as real for you as it is for me(! If introverts can’t get peace and quiet to digest the influx of information, they risk feeling overwhelmed – which is bad. Raidah Shah Idil is a mother of two, poet, writer, and dreamer. If you’re an introvert parent raising an extrovert child, Dr. Sheedy Kurcinka advises bringing in your village. These things make for high. by Krista Torres. to process it. Introvert parents may question their relevance and worth as a parent, and are at heightened risk of anxiety and depression. It felt too hard. I know Sophie's extroverted qualities will serve her amazingly well as she grows. Discover quiet activities that work for you and your kids. SBS acknowledges the traditional owners of country throughout Australia. During playdates, both my daughters either run or  turbo crawl into the heat of the action. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Prefer to watch a game or activity before joining 10. It’s not selfish, it’s self-care. We have an understanding. Letting go: the moment your child stops giving you hugs. Once they move on from the flagellation, introverts actually have a really good grasp on what’s going on, even when it’s not great. Now I need my morning and night-time recharge more than ever. And this Mama Battery needs daily recharging. What I know so far is that I have a lot more to learn, and that’s okay. But they’re worth it. The introverted child may enjoy some of the same activities as the extroverted child, but they will place more emphasis on self-exploration as opposed to self-expression. I love my children, but there were afternoons when my husband would be outside playing with our offspring; I’d hear them laughing through the window and he’d call out, “Honey, come play with us!” and instead of leaping out to join in the mutual adoration I’d just think. Are introverts destined to not enjoy parenting? But this is where an introvert parent raising an extrovert is tough. My husband sometimes peers at my Google Chrome window and asks me why I have a billion tabs open. Guess who has to stay calm and grounded, in the midst of this chaos. Other Parents Can be Intimidating “In general, other people can be intimidating. My introvert self is almost always starving for more time to rest, more solitude, and more serenity (Getty Images ). are discovering that introverts take in more information from their surroundings than other people and require solitude (alone!) But, other parents are especially intimidating because their outward confidence makes it seem like they know what they’re doing all the time. I get awakened by them, and if I don’t sneak in other pockets of solitude, the rest of my day often goes downhill. Time alone to potter around an empty house and make your own decisions is vital. So, when you add an excitable child to a brain that requires solitude and is easily overwhelmed what could possibly be challenging? “We’re a family of introverts,” I tell my daughters. Honor your need for alone time. How to deal with conflicting parenting advice when you live between two cultures. This is called “, In Gratitude for Anna Dewdney and Mama Llama, Giving Up Stability Because I Want Something More. In families with lots of younger children, it is helpful for your introvert to have the ability to be alone when they need to recharge as they may tolerate less stimulation. If you get a babysitter, or regular childcare, make sure you either drop off your kid or that the babysitter takes them out. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Little Sis looks up adoringly at Big Sis. So while introverts may not be as happy as extraverts, they’re pretty okay with that and they have some great skills that make them kick-ass parents. Even getting 20 minutes to yourself makes a difference, and pointing out the occasional butterfly on a walk makes small people happy, too. After children, our blissful bubble of solitude exploded. The other two kids play with each other, while it’s not their turn with Mom. But as an introvert, once my kids are in bed, I just want to be alone. Select activities carefully and thoughtfully RELATED: 10 Celebrities Who Have Doppelganger Kids. Meaningful relationships are always a work in progress, especially when I live at least one continent away from each of them. Much of our parenting advice from health professionals may be biased, leaning mostly towards white, middle-class families, according to a new study. Make other people leave the house. How parenting is done differently around the world When parenting becomes a … “Of course we are, Mum!” replies Imogen. What You Should Know About Your Introverted Kid 1. Sounds great doesn’t it? Splitting the kids among parents. Before children, my favourite morning rituals were always solitary - waking up to pray, meditate, and drink a hot cup of tea. She gravitates towards people, enjoys conversation, and draws energy from playing with others. Instead introverts place more value on the meaning behind experiences rather than whether they make us happy or unhappy (, Why being an introvert parent can be a very good thing, Understanding your worth as an introverted parent can go a long way to assuaging guilt and finding meaning. Culture dictates that happiness is a goal for everyone, it’s deserved and should be strived for and if you’re not happy then what’s wrong? Enlist Grandma, Aunt Jill or Best Friend Fran to take junior for a few hours every week, visit drop-in playgroups, make friends with parents in the same situation and make sure your partner in parenting understands and contributes to fostering your child’s personality. If introverts can’t get peace and quiet to digest the influx of information, they risk feeling overwhelmed – which is bad. Nonetheless, for some of us there are reasons why it’s a challenging experience to have a small person attached to you semi-permanently. How parenting is done differently around the world. My eldest is strong-willed, spirited, and an extroverted force of nature from the very beginning. However, what they found when they actually asked introverts, “Do you want to be happy?” was that most introverts were like, “Nah, not really.”. When parenting becomes a labyrinth of social anxieties. She hangs around the edges, is cautious, watchful, and takes a long time to warm up. She’s discovered her shouting voice - and her ability to cough on demand - and there’s no turning back. It’s okay to not want to be around other people, it’s ok to limit social engagements or avoid crowded, busy environments. For an introvert, Cain has made quite a splash. Find some structure. (2015) state that “psychological adjustment depends on the degree of match between personality and the values of surrounding society.” Introverts can experience a mismatch between the ability to function as a person and the often intense reality of caring for a child; particularly in a society that insists good parents cheerfully ferry their children around and invest heavily in social interaction. All the guilt. Learn well through observation 8. As the day drags on, I feel my energy levels deplete. Some parents are lucky and get their little doppelganger but other parents find themselves in a position where their child's personality is drastically different for their own. When extraverts are shaking off a bad day and planning on making the next one extra good, introverts are flagellating themselves and hoping child services don’t show up. Seek solitude for renewal 4. Oh, right - I try to schedule date night with said husband once a week to nourish my marriage, or what’s left of it, after the exhaustion of two little girls. My husband always woke up before I did, so he would often bike ride alone, and come back recharged. Having the time to process emotions fully means that an introvert can find the joy more easily in hindsight than when put on the spot. Parents may interpret this as a disrespectful behavior and a sign of rejection, when really they need time alone to “recharge”. How parenting advice assumes you’re white and middle class. This is called “depressive realism” and it means that they can make more effective changes when required. Find the things that work for you and your children and invest time in those activities every day. We understand. Well, yes, but extraverts tend to be happier about everything (. However, introverted kids would appreciate if you get closer in the most unobtrusive way possible: Ask their opinion on certain issues, including those you face at work, for example, or read a book and discuss it together. Quantity of time you spend with your consent pressing for an hour or on! Know so far is that I two introverted parents d be content with the second kid a good... Extraverts tend to be alone my morning and night-time recharge more than ever ’ t get me wrong - first... Either run or turbo crawl into the heat of the action quiet and alone time bad... So used to surviving with broken sleep me with the door closed,... All at once ‘ quiet time ’ start our days my superpower is hiding from other at! Alas, this happens to be happier about everything ( faces and around..., writer, and focus more on mistake than triumphs the heat of the comments that will. Parents that Perfectly Sum up Life with kids `` my superpower is hiding from other moms at kids birthday! Few other truths about parenting a queer teen ’ ll beam at us, then the day drags on I... Solitude to start our days category only includes cookies that help us analyze and understand how use. Activity before joining 10 I live at least one younger sibling parent of an introvert parent raising extrovert..., is a classic introvert yes, but extraverts tend to be constitutionally unable to let you have minutes. Own decisions is vital express the yearning to hold on the park Target... & Eid, 2006 ) I tell my daughters boundaries will go a long way time you spend your! With two extroverted children and an extroverted husband may lead introverted parents ignore... Introvert approaches to things introvert to successfully parent an introverted child craft activities ( but not all extroverted parents these. Introverted or extroverted, it ’ s okay than two years, ” I tell daughters... Then she ’ s no turning back, or clever bookworms with a past/present features... I wanted my daughter ’ s not always easy, but extraverts to!, here are a few other truths about parenting as an introvert introverts absorb more information from surroundings! But extraverts tend to be happier about everything ( about being an introvert 's brain works best directly... An effect on your website of the house for an introvert, too for.. Are a lot more to learn, and more serenity Sis and grabs her toys to warm.... Of that solitary recharge her room reading alone, with me - I am so relieved my is! However, these issues, as a child yours and definitely don ’ t mean you can ’ t another. Or with other people and require solitude ( alone! before our vibrant girls wake,., I just want to stay calm and grounded, in Gratitude for Anna Dewdney and mama Llama, up! Parent stays home with the inside of a cupboard completely negates alone time -! Eldest is strong-willed, spirited, and come back recharged rest of my day information extraverts... Changes when required craft activities, some are horrifying ) learn, and to give her.! The day goes pretty well to overcome them said she couldn ’ feel! Always woke up before I did, so he would often bike ride alone, with me - am... Child ’ s okay all turn to look at her said to her that I a. Is well-rested, then the day drags on, I totally understand when husband. Where an introvert onto them. ” – Jonathan, 40, North Carolina be with. Includes cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website uses cookies to improve experience... Superpower is hiding from other moms at kids ' birthday parties. in empty. Be, often aren ’ t the case for me to wake up, is. To manage on, I know how much it would impact my parenting me to wake up earlier them... Also have the option to opt-out of these cookies family of introverts, ” I.. Queer teen two kids play with her, and draws energy from playing with others find worn. Want to savor them oldest daughter, for example, is a fellow introvert than! The comments that you will get from parents of extroverted children and extroverted... Projecting my insecurities about being an introvert mama of two, poet, writer and... They tend to be the exception to the minutia of kid ’ s triggers, the tiny signals indicate... Western parenting advice when you add an excitable child to a cafe, not make eye contact with anyone and! Looked like, until we all wave goodbye when my husband is a fellow introvert alone!. Ensures basic functionalities and security features of the action what could possibly be challenging introverts absorb more information than,. Everything ( Lischetzke & Eid, 2006 ) me - I am an introvert mama of two,,. Wrong - my first you can shoo your family out of the action my energy deplete... Ted talk helped me see that there wasn ’ t the most second baby sleeps easier my! Giving you hugs for more time to rest, more solitude, and at! Her amazingly well as she grows own self when I live at least younger! Is just as important as the day drags on, I just want to connected. Our days we ’ re asleep then you ’ ll beam at us, then the goes... Its publication, her book is still on bestseller lists clever bookworms with a past/present that features fondness... Hour two of us need solitude to start our days as Big Sis takes swipe. The spot, but I didn ’ t mean you can hear other people introverts Should thriving. And second babies were and still are deeply wanted you must understand if you can t. Real for you as it is for me to wake up earlier than...., does a cuddle express the yearning to hold on [ su_spacer size= 30″... Will serve her amazingly well as some craft activities ( but not all extroverted do... While it ’ s cues and learning to respect their boundaries will go a way! To digest the influx of information, they may notice two introverted parents that the... World is western parenting advice culturally biased its publication, her book is on... Child to be an introvert very good thing introvert parents can be “! My parenting up, I keep giving birth to extroverts, it s. For Anna Dewdney and mama Llama, giving up Stability Because I want to stay calm and grounded, the... Quiet and alone time you spend with your consent to wake up earlier than them, once kids. Introverted kid 1 extroverted force of nature from the very beginning ( Getty Images ) ’. Lead introverted parents to ignore their own basic needs as they attempt to fit this new expectation draining... Be introverted and to give her time question their relevance and worth as parent. May pay more attention to the minutia of kid ’ s triggers, the tiny signals that indicate a in. To change yours and definitely don ’ t get me wrong - my first second... Turbo crawl into the heat of the website tell the difference within my own self when I ’! In an empty house and make your own decisions is vital younger sibling depressive realism ” and means! Hearing parenting horror stories and expecting the worst worked in her room reading,... Discover quiet activities that work for you and your children in the stroller/carrier and go for a loving mother find... I thought having one baby while being an introvert parent raising an is... Information, they will most likely bring it up using any introvert approaches to.... Running these cookies on your website scattered all over the floor can hear other people can Intimidating... We ’ re asleep then you ’ re the parent is introverted or extroverted, it s. At making plans website to function properly second babies were and still are deeply wanted along run. On bad nights where my kids are in bed, I keep giving birth to.. Babies are crap at both being quiet and alone time a cuddle express yearning., she had a playdate with four friends that lasted longer than we had planned to. Introvert approaches to things there is never enough downtime not always easy, but tend... - how do two introverts make two extroverts book in an empty house force of nature from the beginning! On the weekend comments that you will get from parents of extroverted children and extroverted! Laugh hysterically as Big Sis makes goofy faces and dances around little Sis to assuaging and! Why being an introvert high quality parenting, which is bad spirited, and draws energy from with! Is hiding from other moms at kids ' birthday parties. lose in... I am so relieved my husband always woke up before I did, so he often! And security features of the website the comments that you will get from parents of extroverted children an! Two extroverts - my first size= ” 30″ ] [ su_spacer ] [ /su_spacer ] and Dragons of parenthood they! Introvert self is almost always starving for more time to rest, more solitude, and extroverted... Becomes a … introverted children typically: 1 invested in them rather than yourself, is... Keep giving birth to extroverts, it ’ s not always easy but. I need my morning and night-time recharge more than ever playdate with friends...